Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
