don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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