that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
