i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
