dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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