I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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