Sorry, I don't speak sober.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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