why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
When are your genitals available?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
