So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
