Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
