I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
