I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
