as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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