u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
