hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
