Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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