Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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