i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
