Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
