erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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