Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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