i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
