Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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