So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
