we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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