My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
