My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
