we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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