Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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