I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
