my mouth tastes like poor choices
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I queefed so loud it echoed.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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