Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
no, he came in my armpit
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
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If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
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Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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