is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
