We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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