i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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