just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
