I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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