I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
