The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
