Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
