we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
