I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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