She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
