so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
