dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize