maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
