Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
