Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
