You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
