Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Ladies don't puke and tell
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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