Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
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The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
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Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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