oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
It's just like the Real World with babies
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
