Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
