After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
