I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Watching her eat just hurts me
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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