i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
