Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Acid is not a monday night drug
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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