She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
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