tonight lets celebrate not being married
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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