Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
