it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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