so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
