haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
