New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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