Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
