Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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