I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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