We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
