he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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