wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
