Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
we made out on top of his cat.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
