I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
