You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
