I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
