dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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