Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
