If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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