Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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