Sry I called you an 8
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
