hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
