I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
last night I used snow as a chaser
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
