I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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