he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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