make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We have started to decorate penises.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
